so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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