six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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