I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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