I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
