youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
