the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
