I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
