I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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