i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize