I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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