i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
