I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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