I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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