Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
