I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
