im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
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Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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