Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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