I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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