I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
