I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
