It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
