Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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