I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
