so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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