you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
