i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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