I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize