Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
