my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize