I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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