I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
