well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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