He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
