hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
