two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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