dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
