my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward