ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story