I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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