Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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