It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
