If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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