We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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