Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
