My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
