i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
