Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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