My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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