well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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