Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
