i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
