Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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