so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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