the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
