last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
