she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
