She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
