and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
