im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
