i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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