so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
