She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
