u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
