i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
