Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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