Hey man sorry I got all grabby
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
