Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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