i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
whose parrot is this?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
