My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
