at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
