If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
