I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
