maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
