Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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