I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
