I think my fart just growled at me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
