His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
