I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
